One day you'll learn

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 23:33:01 GMT

wow....i haven't written here in a loooooooooooooooong time.

so much has happened. so much time has past. its amazing.
i will be writing in here more and more. don't worry.

how is everyone?!?!?!?!?!

Sun, 06 May 2007 02:12:34 GMT

heeeeey.
i made a new friend.
he's a freshman and i'm a junior.
and i found out he likes to make mixes for his friends.
so i want to make him a "new friends" mix.

care to share any songs you think would fit on a new friends mix?!

he likes iron and wine, the shins, the smiths.

and i request only mp3s.
they are the only ones that work with my cd burning programs.

thanks!!!!

if you are chilly, here take my sweater

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 19:59:50 GMT

omgness.
i haven't updated in like......forever.

how is everyone?!?!?

yeeeeeeeeeeeeah.
so its spring.
YAY!!!!!!!!!
except its rainy.
well....spring is actually rainy a lot.
hahha.

sooooooo i love this song.

omgnessssssss....
GREY'S ANATOMY LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IZZIE AND GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i totally always wanted them to hook up.
now i want them together!!!!!!!!!!!
but i love alex and izzie though.
but i don't like callie and george.
i mean i like callie...but not married to george.

all you need is love, everyday

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 14:28:47 GMT

hi :D
so.
life is.
good.
amazing.
actually.
haha.
:D

so this morning i made myself breakfast.
i made eggs, poured myself a cup of black coffee, and milk.
and ate.
and i have decided that i am walking up tomorrow morning
before my mom [which will be like...5 in the morning haha]
and making her breakfast.
yep yep. i just feel like doing that.

and in a few i'll be heading out to b&n with my parents.
and just chilling there for a few hours.

then tomorrow i have church.
and then i'm getting together with a friend that i haven't seen since the summer.
i'm having lunch with him.
he goes to a different school.
and then i'm hanging out with another friend of mine.
we are getting together and we will watch THUMBSUCKER!!!
i'm so excited cause i haven't seen that movie yet.

omgness.
so. yeah.
haha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msVimrRuW-g

all i need is a bitter song

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 02:41:52 GMT

hi.
how is everyone?
i realize i haven't updated in a while.
i'm sorry dear friends!!!

omgness...who watched grey's last night?!?!?!?!?!?!?
HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow.

ugh.
so ihave a long weekend.
YAY!!!!!
we had off today.
and we have off monday.

sooo.
what has been going on with everyone?
how is everything?

<333333
abs

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 00:38:51 GMT

so.
i'm feeling better.
my parents kept me home an extra day.
last night they got me this medicine.
to help my cold.
and i've been taking it all day today.
and boy. let me tell you!!
it knocked the hell out of me.
i slept alllllllll friggen day.
well. i mean i woke up at 6.
came downstairs to wait for my mom.
i fell back asleep on the couch.
didn't wake up until like 10.
watched 2 hours of ER.
then went back to sleep and didn't wake up until like 3:30.
crazy crazy.
and i took a shower at like 6 this evening.
haha. oh boy.
but hey.....tonight is CRIMINAL MINDS WEDNESDAY!!!!!!
so i'm happy.
and i'm going to school tomorrow.
but hey....that's okay.
because right now....i'm feeing great.

eyes wide open

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 15:17:21 GMT

so. i'm sick. and it pretty much sucks.
seriously. i've been sick all weekend.
i was going to hang out with some
friends...but obviously that didn't
happen. although i did end up
having one of the best weekends
ever. my sister was home. she
went back to college yesterday.
but yeah my parents were in nyc all
weekend for their anniversary...25th.
so my sister and i were home alone
and she took care of me. it was really
nice. and fun. we went to see the pursuit
of happyness. it was good. real good. a
feel good movie at the end. definitely.

so yeah. i really enjoyed my weekend.
minus the being sick part. but. who
enjoys being sick? no one that i know.
la tea da. so. school tomorrow. i think.
i mean i guess it all depends on how i
am feeling. or if i have to go to the doctors.
cause i had a low fever sunday night.
yep yep. so. i think i might take a nice
long hot bath later today. maybe that
will help me feel better. i hope.

JJ: It's fun beating a genius.
Reid: Genius Dr. Reid let you win.

ahhh yay!!!! :D can't wait for new
episode tomorrow!!! finally!!! a new
episode!!! haha. i mean all the reruns
are basically new episodes to me
cause i'm a new comer to the show.
oh well. haha. :D

peace.
abs.

not even the rain has such small hands.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 00:48:21 GMT

i love the winter night sky.
and how every single star is visible.
good reason to live in rurual new jersey.
beautiful.

it snowed today.
and it was amazing.
i love snow.

i've been up and down lately.
it's my body getting used to the medication.
i'm still a little weird that i have to take a pill
to make me happy.
but i think i'll get over it soon.
i just don't want to be turned into a zombie.

stars.

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 05:05:12 GMT

so tonight, i went to my friend em's house.
for a party. it was amazing.
and i love my friends.
it was awesome.
we did like a dirty santa thing.
alissa got my presents.
i gave a harmonica with a how to book,
a book of e.e. cummings poems,
and much ado about nothing,
and incense.
and i got a teddy bear.

i
love
winter
night
skies.
and
how
all
the
stars
are
out.
it
really
is
absolutely
beautiful.

music drips from your lips

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 21:19:50 GMT

hey.
i haven't updated in a while.
i've been pretty damn busy.
sorry.
things have been..different for me, lately.
last monday, i didn't go to school.
i wasn't sick.
i wasn't trying to fake sick.
i started crying.
and i couldn't stop.
and it wasn't just a cry.
i was probably close to sobbing.
so my parents let me stay home.
i slept until 9.
then my dad took me out for breakfast.
and we went to do some Christmas shopping for my sister and my brother.
then the next day, i went to school.
first period, my science class...we went to the library.
i had to ask to go to the bathroom.
and i had to call my mom.
i felt weird. some sort of mixture of anxiety, homesickness, afraid, nervous, a loss of protection.
so i went to the nurse.
and slept all of second period.
and went back to class for third.
then i was fine...happy, hyper, walking on sunshine.
i don't know.
i really don't know.

i'm looking at NYU.
the teachers @ Sylvan think i can get it.
and think that i can get scholarships.
my parents told me to go for it.
so i'm going to look at all these essay writing and poetry writing scholarships.
and try.
i mean...what can it hurt to just...try?

oh god.

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 02:35:17 GMT

i feel dumb.

i don't really like the feeling right now.
earlier today i felt on top of the world.
and now i feel like i could cry.

i just feel so useless and nonentertaining or noninteresting
to my friends.

i'm trying to tell myself over and over
"just get through this week."
i'm gonna see my sister this weekend.
sleep over at her dorm on Saturday into Sunday.
and then go to my brother's recital on Sunday.
so i get to see the two most amazing people this weekend.

god i don't think i've ever missed anyone like i've missed my brother and my sister.
i wish i could just run to them right now.
get on the train to philly and stay with them forever.
i'm so done with the place i'm in right now.

i want to travel.
and meet new people.

air.

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 00:30:52 GMT

my friends won't answer me online.
i hate when my friends don't talk to
me and i know that they are alone.
because i feel that they are pissed
or mad at me.

i wish i was on a plane to Venice right now.
i really do.

want to join?

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 02:05:38 GMT

yeah. thats moi : ]

cold, cold.
i sleep on ice.
it melts as the heat
leaves our bodies.
can you show me the way?
show me the way to your paradise.
guide me to that safe haven with your finger tips.
lead me to dispair with your lips.
bring me to desire with your body.

remember remember the 5th of November

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 13:45:40 GMT

Evey Hammond: [Voiceover, introduction] Remember, remember, the Fifth of November,/ The Gunpowder Treason and Plot... / I know of no reason/ Why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot... But what of the man? I know his name was Guy Fawkes and I know, in 1605, he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament. But who was he really? What was he like? We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I've seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them... but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it... ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love... And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man... A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget.

yerp.

so. a lot's been going on.

and can i just say......that i am in love with TR Knight?!?!?!? well I AM.
yes.....another gay man. i ALWAYS fall for gay guys. it kills me.
but that's okay.

so. i have an AWESOME week this week. wanna know why?
-no rehearsal
-three 1/2 days
-lunch and movies with my three bestest bestest friends
-two days off
-H&M avec ma mere.

seriously....that's amazing.

i want to photograph the follage [sp.?] around here.
it's amazing and beautiful and breath taking.
and i want to show you guys.

allright.
peace.
i'm out.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

we need more love in this world.
ok. i want to start something.
TELL THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE THEM.
AND THEN TELL THEM TO PASS IT ON.
kinda like pay it forward.

all of this music

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 23:37:56 GMT

ok
so right now.
i feel amazing.
i'm finally happy.
friday was hard.
very hard.
it was the anniversary of his death.
but you know...i'm realizing.
that he would not want me to be upset.
he wouldn't want me to dwell on his death.
but memory his laugh.
and the good happy moments we had with him.
and i'm glad that i realized that.
because i can move on.

and this is why i love adrien brody.
he's a momma's boy <3333
:D :D :D :D

I WANT IT TO SNOW!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 09:50:40 GMT

Daily Overview for October 25, 2006
Provided by Astrology.com Daily Extended Forecast

Quickie:
Try not to let things languish in the zone of the incomplete -- it's time to finish.

Overview:
Give your mind a rest -- let your heart and soul be your guiding lights, especially when it comes to personal matters. Logic is great, but it's only part of being a well-rounded human being. Let your emotions speak too.

that's my horoscope for today.

pretty much yeah.

my friend said that my assistant principal reminds her of Adrien Brody.
i squaled. and i will never look at him the same again.
ha. i'm such a fangirl when it comes to things like that.

shower with him with love

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 22:35:52 GMT

It's all about endurance today. Can you sit through that boring meeting without falling asleep? Can you handle the traffic on your way home from work? Can you stick with your diet one more day? The answer to all of these questions is an enthusiastic yes. You have a big store of strength deep down inside of you, and you will need to dig it up today. Today, you will be able to entertain yourself, distract your mind, and give yourself an internal 'happy place' to go to.

that's my horoscope for tomorrow.
i don't know.
i need a big store of strength.
but i'm just not sure it's there right now.

i don't know.
i've been losing it a lot lately.

i went to the holocaust museum saturday with the rest of the cast of the play.
the one in D.C.
and on this one wall, i saw a picture of this man.
he was put in aushwitz because he was gay.
and suddenly, it felt like that was my brother's picture on the wall.
and i thought "if bryan was alive during then, that would have been him."
and it just made me so upset.
and then i thought of Mr. Shedd in the Room of Reflextion.

it's almost the year anniversary of his death.
October 27th.
i can't take it.
i just. i can't do this.
i broke down in rehearsal today.
because of the lines.
"i'll be with you, everywhere."
"i hear you"
"no need to be afraid"

i just. feel lost and confused and awful.
why can't i accept his death?
what's holding me back?

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 09:51:01 GMT

i was 8, you were 21.
i was home in my warm comfy loving home, you alone and cold left to die.
i went on with my life the next day, you weren't conscious laying in a hospital bed holding on to dear life.
i saw my family the next few days, went to school, saw my friends; you died with your family surrounding you.
i didn't hear of your name til years later, when i was old enough to grasp my brain about what happened to you.
that day i first heard of your story, i cried. i wept and i wept til i had no tears left. i wrote poems about you. i wrote a letter to your mother that i never sent. i prayed for you family. i prayed that you were safe in heaven. after i heard about happened to you, i feared the safety of my brother. and everynight i prayed that he would be safe in the city. i cried when i didn't hear from him, thinking of only the worst.
i pray that history will not repeat itself this time.
r.i.p Matthew Shepard.
10.12.98.

by me.

matthew by andrew spice

and throw away all of your fears
just like these blowing leaves
and be so warm so far away
from autumn's chill

their reasons slip below the cracks
like all these empty hours
everywhere I look there's one more word
one more tear

teach them how to be the same
teach them everything to hate
teach them every way to be a boy

Matthew
do you speak to God?
has he told you why?
does he let you watch over us?

and haven't we always waited too long to look inside
but don't fear the dark
blue skies are yours

they still flag their hate
empty angry words
no matter what we do
we've only just begun

you could be some saint to us
you imperfect boy
with your crown of dreams you'll never see
never touch

still you're in my every breath
the hope inside my eyes
the neverending promises of time

by Andrew Spice

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 01:14:38 GMT

last night was homecoming.
that was at my friends out right before.

it was so much fun.
i danced allllllllllllllll night.
the minute we got into the building we went right into the center and started dancing.
it was literally the best time i've had in a long time.

i went to see this underground band in PA with my two friends.
they were playing in this coffee house in York, PA.
it was amazing.
the band was Raise Up Roof Beams.
check them out.
google them or on myspace.

yeah. it was pretty cool.
we talked to the lead vocal guy afterwards a little.
i bought a shirt and cd from him.
and fell in love.
haha.

this weekend was the best weekend ever.

if you close the door

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 22:35:40 GMT

hi.
i haven't updated in a while.

the topic of college is stressing me out.
my best friend is looking at a college that i would never have a chance at in a million years.
that depresses me.
but makes me happy for that friend.

i want to see:

-Half Nelson
-The Science of Sleep
-Little Children
-The US vs Lennon
-Children of Men

funny how no theatres near me are playing any of those movies.

can i just say how fucking irritating it is when i hear "like oh my gawd that is like...soooooooooooo gay" in the hallway.
or "dude your like such a fucking faggot". can i just say that if you ever have said that in your life, i feel like punching you in the nuts/vagina.
i hear it every single day in school. and it's get ridiculous. seriously.

i'm not in a good mood...
help me get in one.

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 05:00:36 GMT

it's almost 1 am and i can't get to sleep.
i'm not tired at all.
perhaps it's because of the grande coffee i got at b&n.

holla.

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 02:36:24 GMT

i have too many crushes.
so i don't know what to do with myself.

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 19:50:35 GMT

i don't know if life could be any better right now.
i made the play.
i don't have a big part.
i'm one of the children in the concentration camp.
and all i do is recite a poem.
but hey...i'm in the play.
and that's all i wanted.

i'm hanging out with my friends tonight.
and then tomorrow my mom, me, and my friend are going up to Philly.
we're going to the church my brother sings at.
he's got a huge ass solo in some gorgeous amazing beautiful Mozart piece they're doing.
and i want to hear him.

so yes.

There are places i'll remember

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 00:48:55 GMT

so i'm sitting here, listening to the most absolutely moving and beautiful and just....breath taking music, trying to find the perfect song for emily for the trailer.
i'm testing the songs by listening to them while looking at pictures from The Holocaust, cause the trailer is for our school play which is going to be a Holocaust play.
and i'm just sobbing.
literally.
i don't think i've EVER...EVER, been more ashamed with our world then i am when i think of the Holocaust.
how the hell did we let that happen?
seriously?
it just makes me absolutely sick.
to think that something that wrong and inhumane happened in the world that i am living in now.
and to think that people STILL agree and idolize Hitler makes me want to gouge my eyes out and rip my insides out.
it's that bad.

i had auditions today.
after i did the scene with emily, i was on a high.
i wanted the scene to keep going.
it just felt so absolutely perfect with emily and i up on stage, acting together.
here i am, standing on stage ACTING with one of the best actresses in our school [the other best actress in our school auditioned the day before].
and i'm getting knots in my stomach while doing the scene, not because of nerves, but because it just felt so fucking good acting out those lines and creating this character in my head and acting it out, and feeding off of emily's character and emotions.
because i for once, was in the spotlight, not as some walk on character or chorus member in the musical. but as an actress auditioning for a serious role.

i love my friends and i miss them. and i wish that i had more time to say the things i want to them. instead of just a "OMG HEY!" in the hallway.

it's always better when we're together

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 01:29:54 GMT

seriously i feel great again tonight.
i love this feeling. i get all smilely and giddy and whatnot.
i had a good discussion in the car with my dad.
about colleges and what not.
he thinks i should definitely look for colleges with a liberal mind set that have a strong stand for social justice.
definitely.

i've seen a few cute boys in school that i merely pass in the hall and smile on the inside and bit my lip on the outside.
i want a cute boy.
to be mine...not just a passing in the hall.

i think that when i do get a boyfriend, this song will be our anthem [sp.?]
this song just makes me want to cuddle hahah.
it's cute without being too mushy gooshy, which sometimes can get annoying...all that mushy gooshy stuff.

i'm getting my greyhound tomorrow.
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my dad is gonna pick me up from school and we're gonna go pick Tony up!!!!
man i can't wait :) :) :)

peace and love.
abbey.